It May Not Be What You Think

Scene

You're chatting with a co-worker. He's just told you about an uncomfortable conversation with another employee.

In a nutshell, the co-worker you're speaking with was—only moments before—threatened by this other employee who claimed he'd "get into trouble" because he wasn't following store protocol when organizing the window displays.

The boss (store owner) has been traveling for a month, so things have been looser around the store.

Minutes later, the co-worker you're speaking with gets a text message from the boss: "Color combinations and organizational style."

He's sure he's been ratted out to the boss by the accusor. Why else would this text say what it does? Why else would he be getting this right now? 

It appears that the accusatory employee went straight to the boss.

To extract yourself from this conversation, you take supplies to the basement. On your way, you run into the boss. He asks, "Have you seen the recent window display?" annoyedly.

You answer as honestly as possible, trying not to insinuate your co-worker (who's your supervisor) doesn't know or follow the rules. You want to stay in his good graces, after all.

You also helped with this display but were not the lead designer. This is your first job out of college, and you are new to the industry.

You automatically assume the boss is referring to the display work of the threatened co-worker, and the employee who made the accusation immediately told on him because he'd said only moments ago, "You're going to get in trouble for that."

You immediately inform your co-worker about the store owner's comment. 

What are the odds that the co-worker's text from the boss and his question to you would not be related to the imminent threat of getting into trouble? It all seems directly connected.

Upon further discussion, you and the co-worker concluded the other employee went directly to the boss and said something disparaging.

It makes sense because the co-worker you spoke with told you there was "history" and "bad blood" between the accuser and himself.

They haven't liked each other from the beginning. This has happened before.

The co-worker you spoke with believes his accusor is out to get him in trouble with the boss or, worse—fired.

Today's events appear directly connected in both your minds.

Since the co-worker you spoke with is more experienced than the employee making the threats, he wanted to talk to the boss immediately. In his mind, it was unprofessional of the other employee to be "tattling" like this.

End Scene

But was the verbal threat, the text your co-worker received from the boss, and the boss's comment to you all connected?

Can you be 100% sure? Or was your mind assuming a connection where there wasn't one?

The co-worker you spoke with waited until his break and approached the boss.

It turns out that the accusatory employee did not say anything to the boss.

The text message was about the upcoming spring season, not the current winter one.

The boss's comment was about how well the display was currently organized.

All events were not related.

But in your mind, you'd built a solid argument about how they were.

The mind is a funny thing. It loves to fill in the blanks. It tries to make connections where there might not be any.

How often have you imagined negative connections in your health, business, or relationships where there aren't any?

How often have you used negative past experiences to "prove" why something is how you perceive it today?

The above narrative illustrates how we often use past events and experiences to make connections where there aren't necessarily any. If you have certain beliefs and expectations, you'll look for connections to prove your point of view.

But what if you're wrong?

What if you're making links where there aren't any?

What if you're wasting mental and emotional energy building a case that isn't accurate?

The above situation happened to me a few years ago (I was the "you" in the above description). The details of my situation were different (I never worked in retail after high school).

Still, the underlying context was the same: events initially appeared connected because of assumptions, beliefs, and perceptions, but in the end, they weren't connected.

I found the whole situation funny.

Not funny in a "Ha Ha" way, but funny in a "What are the odds?!" way.

What are the odds of a specific text arriving moments after a threat? 

What are the chances of me running into the owner moments after learning the rift between two co-workers and the owner saying precisely what he did?

The odds are staggering. Nearly impossible.

It seemed like an open and closed case.

But it wasn't. 

It got me thinking about when I'd build cases against my success (health, wealth, and happiness) because of factors that appeared "undeniably" connected.

How many hours have I wasted frustrated, angry, or annoyed because of circumstances I'd observed believing they were connected but weren't? There are too many to count.

How many times have I given up because it appeared as if the cards were stacked against me? I don't want to think about it.

How often do I abandon hopes and dreams because it seems as if there's no clear (connected) way forward? I quickly see connections regarding how I can't achieve something but rarely connect the dots about how I can.

You can never see beyond your existing beliefs.

The mind LOVES to build a negative case against oneself or others. Negative beliefs are highly influential. The physical mind often negates finding evidence or correlations to assume the positive.

One of my favorite book series is The Seth Series by Jane Roberts. Seth is a Nonphysical entity channeled by Jane in the 1960s and 70s. "You create your own reality" is a phrase coined by Seth. 

The scenario I described above brings to mind this phrase.

How we view situations creates our reality. Our POV is the foundation of our experience. If we perceive a situation in a particular way, we set ourselves up for specific outcomes and experiences.

We often expect people to act a certain way based on past experiences. 

We go into new situations thinking it will be like it was before.

But what if people aren't held captive by memory?

What if we didn't try to connect the dots and allowed things to play out without assumptions?

How might our mental, emotional, and physical lives be different? Better?

The experience (described above with altered details) I had regarding negative assumptions greatly impacted me. I vowed to pay more attention to how my mind effortlessly made negative connections and built arguments.

Assumptions and perceived notions are not mental and emotional activities that are easily stopped. But it can be done. 

Practice and self-awareness are keys.

And life is much less stressful and way more enjoyable if I don't make presumptions about people and situations.

Will you join me in allowing things to unfold without preconceived notions?